unending peace, and things of that nature

i received a gentle encouragement from a good friend that it was time to update. (hi, jen!) and by the way, if you're looking for a wonderful blog about one wonderful woman's faith journey, please check out jen's blog.

so the truth is, there's a lot to update about actually. there are a lot of things that have changed since my last post.* but...i'm not quite ready yet. instead, let me talk about what's led to the change.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT)


these verses from philippians have had particular significance to me over the course of the last (nearly) 18 months. as a "lifelong" Christian, i've been familiar with the passage (in the king james translation, actually) for years and it's one of those things that other Christians sometimes throw out when they don't know what else to say--at least that's been my experience. it's easy to tell someone not to worry, but it's much more difficult to tell them how not to.

i worried a lot this past year. and stressed. and obsessed. i had assumed my life would go one way, but in a matter of months the trajectory changed so completely that i could barely function. i had no idea what to do with my new circumstances. and then, i started to pray.

obviously, i've prayed many times before--at least every night before bed since i was capable of saying the words. but for the first time in my life i experienced passionate prayer. if you've experienced it, i don't need to explain it. if you haven't, i'm not sure i know how to explain it. all i know is that in the emotional crisis i was in, brought on by my unexpected seemingly permanent separation, i literally cried out for the Lord to show me His face, and He did.

and then, there was the peace. the Bible speaks of this peace in many places. i like when it's referred to as "the peace that passes all understanding" because it just does. i can't explain this sense of peace that i've had, but it's there. now don't misunderstand me: i've had frantic moments where i've felt nothing but inner turmoil and chaos, but as soon as i've prayed for peace, it returns. and even in the midst of moments of almost debilitating sadness, underlying that was a feeling that things were going to work out, if i just held on long enough to see.

and He's sustained me. and helped me hang on, everyday.

and so, today, it seems that my circumstances are, yet again, changed. things have happened, and are continuing to happen. and i'm excited, and hopeful, and eagerly anticipating. and because my trust is in Him, i know that even if my circumstances change again, and the things i'm hoping for don't yet come to fruition, i will still have peace. His peace. and because of that, i have nothing to worry about.

*as i said, i'm not quite ready to post about the change in circumstance, but that will be forthcoming soon, i feel.