photo friday aka the instagram edition

instagram pictures from the last week.

the homeschool edition, pt. 1

so I did it. my big goal was to come up with a tentative schedule for our soon-to-begin school year. the biggest obstacle in settling on a schedule was in deciding whether or not to school year round. as in most things, there seem to be lots of pros and cons to year round schooling. ultimately though, the potential benefits outweighed the potential negatives and I decided that until further notice, we'll be schooling year round. whew.

so now I was free to decide when we'd begin. and that was actually pretty easy. so without going into all the boring detail I can say that Cruz and I will officially delve into the world of homeschooling on monday, june 4, 2012. another "whew" is in order.

now first of all, let me state for the record that this summer is going to be school-lite. my main goal is to get us on a workable, consistent schedule. also, we'll be playing some catch up. the great part about homeschooling (at least in this state!) is that I don't have to designate a particular grade for Cruz. however, for record keeping purposes, I'd like to make fall his unofficially official 1st grade year. in some academic areas, he's ahead of the curve (namely, reading. the kid is a reading machine!). in other areas, we need to catch up, so to speak. so, in a relaxed sort of way, that's what we'll be doing this summer.

we'll also be spending plenty of time swimming, and zooing, and library-ing and bowling and generally enjoying the beauty of my favorite time of year.

in preparation for monday I organized all of our supplies. everything from craft supplies, to paints and smocks, to extra construction paper to extra staples has been put in a particular place. that alone makes me feel more relaxed than I can even express. I'm ready to do this. bring on the homeschooling!

the one where i reintroduce myself...

i'm bad at this blogging thing. seriously. i don't want to be. in fact, just about daily i compose a post in my head. but it's the whole sitting down to actually type it that i fail to get around to. i want to change that; i do. i also don't want to keep showing up here talking about how next month will be better. past behavior is the biggest indicator of future behavior and all that.

so instead of making myself promises that i likely won't keep (i'm bad about that) i'll make a single promise that i will keep. i'll be back tomorrow. i can do that, right?

today was supposed to be a impromptu science day at the zoo, but the smaller one woke up not feeling so hot. instead, we'll go tomorrow. today we're going to hit up the library, the dollar store (school supplies!) and the park. caleb seems to have perked up a bit so we'll see how that all goes.

in any event, tomorrow i can come back and talk about the decisions i've made as far as homeschooling. (yes, we're still doing it. i've settled on some schedule and curriculum type stuff.)

until tomorrow...

3.17.12

wanna know something i usually keep secret? it's not necessarily earth-shattering, but it's still a pretty big deal to me. in all my years as a professing, born-again Christian, i've never read the entire Bible. and if we only count my years as an adult believer, well, let's just say that's a long time to go without. to make my confession just a tad more dramatic here's something else: until last year, i hardly read my Bible at all.

i grew up in a church with a lot of teaching, but not a whole lot of heart. i learned about the Bible, but knew nothing of what a relationship with God through Christ looked like. when i heard people say, "i love you, Lord!" and declare it boldly, i felt a pang in my heart. when i sang the words, "oh, how i love Jesus..." i felt like a hypocrite. i knew i believed in a Holy, all-mighty Creator. and i believed that He sent His perfect and blameless Son to die for me. i believed in Jesus' miraculous resurrection after 3 days. but i couldn't feel Him. every now and again i experienced "glimpses" of my Father in Heaven. but i didn't know Him. and if i didn't know Him, how could i honestly claim to love Him? and sadly, i didn't know how to know Him.

i prayed a lot. i thanked Him for my many blessings and asked for wisdom and guidance. i knew all good things in my life came from Him. and in times of sadness and heartache, i cried out to Him. yet a relationship with Him still eluded me. my mom told me to read my Bible. and i did, sometimes. a book here. a devotional and verse there. i followed along with the scripture readings in church. but still...there was a disconnect for me. i felt like i was doing something wrong. but i didn't know what. why didn't i experience the kind of faith i saw others experience? the kind of faith that brought tears to my mother's eyes when she prayed. there have always been certain worship songs that have rocked me to my core, but i wondered why could i only experience the glory of God in a song penned by another person?

i've heard it said that testimonies are birthed out of trials, and i never understood that until i found myself in the midst of what is, to date, the biggest trial of my life. and one day, feeling small, and weak, and scared, and lonely and helpless, i cried out to a God who i believed in, but didn't know. and He answered.

so back to the issue of reading my Bible. God answered my cry. not audibly, but loudly just the same. and i was humbled. and i marveled that the Creator of Heaven and earth could and did love me. and i wanted to be able to tell Him, unreservedly and unabashedly, that i loved Him, too. so i told Him i wanted to know Him, but i didn't know how. and gently, my mother's voice came back to me: "everything you want to know about me is in my Word. read it." and so i did. for just about every day of 2011, i read my Bible. sometimes nothing more than a devotional and a few verses. sometimes a couple of chapters. and in a couple of instances i read whole books in one sitting. and as i read, i began to k now Him. and as i began to know Him, i began to fall in love with Him. 2011 was the first time in my life that i was able to say, "I love you, my Lord!" and mean it with my whole heart.

and so, this year, because i want to know Him and love Him even more, i am finally reading the entire Bible. i've chosen a plan that doesn't focus on a timeline, and each day i can read as much or as little as i feel compelled to. i just know that by december 31st i plan to have read every single book of my Father's Holy Word. and honestly, if that's the only book i finish all year, i'm totally down with that!

and just because i connect with these lyrics so much, here's my current favorite song:

3.17.12

once upon a time there was a girl who hated structure. while she understood, in theory, why it was good and often necessary, oh did she rail against it. when this girl was on her own, it was fairly easy to do things her way. but one day, this girl had to think of more than just herself and she realized that, while she may never like structure, the small people entrusted to her craved it--particularly when in the midst of other uncontrollable chaos. and so this girl, who spent so many years fighting structure that she scarcely remembered what it was, did something else she hated: she asked for help.

some recent events have put some things into perspective for me. the last several years of my life have been, in a word, chaotic. and until very recently, i didn't quite grasp it, or grasp just how deeply cruz and caleb have been affected. while i can honestly say that i wasn't the cause of the chaos in our lives, i most definitely could've been the solution--and i wasn't that either. and it's high time that changed. so since organizing and structuring aren't my strong suits (have i mentioned my adhd?) i have finally sought out the proper kind of help. i've also learned (and am constantly learning!) what it means to submit my will to the Lord. more about that later.

in the meantime, some changes are happening around these parts and my constant hope and prayer is that it is all for good.